Thoughts at 5:45 a.m.

Sleep (or lack thereof)
It's 5.45 a.m. I've been up since 4.30 because my boy hadn't slept yet, had growing pains and needed some TLC. He fell asleep with me rubbing his legs. His huge big boy soccer legs. Such a difference from the small chubby boy legs that I used to rub almost every night.
His not sleeping worries me. He's at home a lot, not going to school, due to the ensuing tiredness. And the school has not bothered to call once. I'm thinking this is a ball that I will pick up once we get back from Berlin.

Berlin
Because YEAH, it's Berlin weekend! Anniversary weekend for hubby and I. We're going with newish friends, so it will be fun to see how our travel plans mesh (or not). They're driving, we're hitching a ride. Really looking forward to it!

Rudeness
Yesterday I was treated quite rudely during a work meeting. Left the meeting feeling really upset and then, on the advice of my husband, decided to write them an e-mail to give them some feedback. Just now I read the reply. Turns out Mr. Rude had mistaken me for someone else. Someone else that he'd e-mailed with but never met, and someone who had pushed his buttons all the wrong way. So all his frustration with this other person was poured out on me. I just have to laugh. So I accepted the apology and wrote back that we would shake hands and recognize each other the next time we met. Glad it wasn't about me, a bit sad that he felt it necessary to be so abrupt with someone he'd never met.

I'll go back and lie down now. For the 40 minutes that's left before the alarm goes off.

Hopeful

3 days ago I went for a long walk and talk with my husband. 2 days ago I spent 15 minutes on the stepper. Yesterday I visited my sister. Today I spent another 15 minutes on the stepper. I'm almost detecting a pattern. At least there's a pattern in my thoughts, which are turning more towards exercise and some form of bodily motion beyond getting on my bicycle for my little bike trip to work.
Since november I've been pretty consistent in getting up every morning to exercise. After India I lost my flow. I'm hoping to regain it, one small step at a time. Because exercise does help, makes me feel better about myself, makes me feel like I've accomplished something after a long day of office work.

Music

My brother in law presents a radio program at our local radio station. Our very local, very small radio station. I never stay up late enough to listen to it, but he sends us the link every two weeks or so. I get a real kick out of listening. It's called gospels from back in the day (or something like that). He puts together an eclectic mix of music which makes me cheerful every time I listen to it. I don't recognize any of the music and yet it sounds familiar in some odd way.


I'm listening right now. The kitchen door is open to let in the spring air. My new purple bike is standing outside waiting to be admired. My hubby has cooked a meal and the sun is shining.

It's a happy time!

Writing

For some reason it's easier for me to write out of the depths of misery, than it is to write when things have returned to an even keel. I also think it's easier to write when I'm sky high. It's the ordinary and the mundane that are hard to put into words that interest me, much less interest someone else.
Life has more or less returned to ordinary here. The sense of loss has decreased. Hubby and I had a very good talk one evening and got ourselves and our marriage back on track. That sounds like it was easy, but it wasn't, and it sure isn't all the time. Marriage is hard work.
I'm finding it hard to motivate myself for the ordinary stuff. So i've made plans for fun stuff. Like visiting my brother, planning a day out with a friend, going away for a weekend, thinking about the summer holidays. And reevaluating the things that I've got going in my life. In theory, I could lose part of my job. So what else would I like to do? I've committed to doing some stuff for church, but is that what I want to do, or is that what I do because I know I can?

What if?

Letting in the light

A couple of chats and a bit of a weep have let a little light into my dark thoughts. I always forget how much it helps and tend to shut myself off, or I wait til somebody pokes me before I let my misery show.
Anyhow, I feel like I have my eating habits back on track and feel like I can pick up the threads of my life here again. And, at least in my head, I've opened some doors that were shut for a good long while. I won't be walking through them any time soon, but it's nice to know that there are possibilities, even if I don't make use of them.
It's all about perspective, and hopeful horizons.

TCK poem

My life is tethered to a rolling stone

My dreams are anchored in the wind

I come from here

I come from there

in truth, I come from everywhere

My tongue does not have a mother

My language is an open mind

Before I learned how to walk

I already knew how to fly

Comfort to me is a constant motion

Continent to continent

Ocean to Ocean

http://tckacademy.com/tckfilm/